New Decade, New Blog, New Life as an Asymptomatic Bipolar
Updated: May 27
Key words: My new blogs in English and Spanish, Balance of advances during year 2019, Asymptomatic Bipolar affective condition evolution, Philosopher Sören Kierkegaard and his life stages, Spanish teacher, Richard Dawkins atheism and pantheism mixed with quantum mechanics concepts.
Summary: For the last 12 years, besides helping other researchers to publish their work, I have dedicated myself to read and write about several topics, as can be seen in my old blog (https://www.juanferduque.com/). Now, with this article, I am officially launching my new website with contains my new blog. This is just the top of iceberg regarding the positive changes that I have undergo during the last decade.
This year I finally fully overcame the mourning for the death of my father that occurred on November 2007. The reason it took me so long to reconfigure myself is that I have an affective bipolar condition. But after 12 years of investigation I finally arrived to the perfect neuro-pharmacological protocol that has allowed me to be asymptomatic during the last six months. Before that I thought that my sleep would worsen with time  and that I will never have a productive life again. But now I’ve had six months of good sleep and I’ve been working pleasantly in my home office, so that is the first and more important thing that I achieved during 2019.
After stabilizing my sleep, I was able to have routines again and as a consequence of that, I got my discipline back and I completed tasks that were way behind schedule during months. And I also began to look for ways to earn some extra money from the comfort of my home. I looked for freelancer’s platforms to share my knowledge and skills. One of the skills I was looking for ways to exploit was to give classes of English for beginners and I got astonished to learn that there’s a lot of demand for Spanish teachers. That is even better because, as you can see in the flaws of this article’s English, my native language is Spanish. I got so excited to learn that I could earn money giving online classes of my native language, that I almost couldn’t sleep the following night. Why didn’t I think of this possibilities before? Spanish, after Chinese and English, is the third more spoken language in the world. I began applying to several teaching platforms, I joined Spanish learner’s groups on Facebook and their WhatsApp chats; I also began reading several blog articles of experienced Spanish teachers. I was also compulsively building this, my English website, and in its tween one in Spanish (https://www.juanferduqueosorio.com/).
But then, by mid-November I got sick by an intestinal obstruction and I had to get hospitalized. I had to remain in the clinic for one week, but everything got resolved without surgery. When I got back home I got a strong flu so I had to remain in bed for another week. Maybe that was the way my body protested for working so intensively the preceding weeks.
After overcoming all this I kept sleeping a lot. At first I thought that this excess of sleep was due to the fact I was recovering after being ill for two weeks. But then I remembered that the conditions of the affective bipolar gradient evolved as over-adaptations to the harsh seasonal regime of the Pleistocene . In few words, bipolarity follows a seasonal rhythm even though I live in Colombia which is a tropical country. Now we are in winter in the northern hemisphere and we bipolars can feel it, even though we are in the tropics. So I lowered the dosage of my sleeping medication and finally I was able to wake up early and with energy. But in general terms I’ve been sleeping well and have had a good mood for the last six months or so.
Before that, as I have already said, I thought I was not going to be able to have a productive life again. Before the death of my father in 2007, the plan was to continue my studies and get my doctorate (PhD) at Universidad del Valle in Cali-Colombia where I was raised. But the mourning was so hard that I decided not to make my doctoral studies and settle with my master’s degree. Besides, my mother and I were very lonely because we have no family in Cali. So in 2010 I decided for us to move to Ibagué, in the center of the country, where we have lots of family. But these decisions: not to make a doctorate and move to Ibagué, coupled with the death of my father, produced in me what I now call my geronto-financial complex. When my father was alive the plan was clear: to become a doctor (a PhD) and be a university professor. But after cancelling my doctorate studies, moving to small city like Ibagué and being fully conscious that, someday I will lose my mother, made me fearful of my distant future. That fear hunted me for 12 years. I am a parasite, or more exactly a symbiont (a parasite that the host cannot live without) of my mother and as long as she is alive everything is alright. But I asked my self - due to my bipolarity I can’t work, so how will I be able to survive without my mother? - Now I have a more optimistic view of my distant future because with my chronobiology correctly configured, I can work consistently.
So the main improvement this year was becoming an asymptomatic bipolar. And just when this was consolidated I found something to comfortably work without leaving my home: that is to give Spanish classes online. For now, this is only a project, but I have already given four classes so it might work. There is much to be done like reviewing Spanish grammar, because as a native speaker, I know when something is wrong in Spanish; but I forgot the rules that were taught to me at school. I have to make promotional videos to apply to the different platforms within which the most important appears to be italki. I also have to read what teachers of Spanish teachers have to advice to us beginners, etc.
But continuing with the advances of this year, I finally overcame what the philosopher Sören Kierkegaard (1813 - 1855), recognized precursor of existentialist philosophy, called the aesthetic level or stage of my life [3-7] during this level or stage of existence one only lives for the present moments of pleasure so the individual is always seeking amusement. The pleasure moments arrive but they rapidly disappear living the individual with a vacuum in the inside. When I was young I needed lots and lots of parties and dance salsa music all the weekend days. I was addicted to socialization and having always a girlfriend. I could never be alone. Now I am 45 and here in Ibagué, very late I surpassed this phase like four years ago and began what Kierkegaard names as the ethic phase of existence. Is when the individual is tired of so much nonsense fun and decides what is going to be his life seriously speaking. The majority of men get married at the beginning of Kierkegaard’s ethic phase. I decided to remain single for the rest of my life and dedicate myself to read and write. Now that I’m 45 I have no longer the need to party and to have lots of public relations. Interacting with my mother and stepfather, and socializing now and then with other relatives is more than enough for me now. I enjoy very much my relative solitude. This has had a very significant and positive impact on my bipolar condition because now I can go early to bed every day, so my routines and discipline no longer get disrupted during weekends as it used to happen to me when I was young. The other related advance is that I no longer need to have a girlfriend at all times. When I was young I had to have a sexual partner all the times or I would get desperately anguished and had symptoms like sweaty hands and so. I was dependent on women affection. Obviously that was a symptom of my affective bipolar condition. Now I am very happy without a girlfriend and unless it arrives a woman whom I like to much and can give me a better level of life than my mother, I will remain as an old auto-sufficient bachelor . Given the fact that, as I already mentioned, the plan was to get a doctorate and work as university professor and then get married and maybe have children, marriage and reproduction never happened to me. Now I thank life for this because I feel free and I can survive with relatively low amounts of money.
Note that in the last sentence of the last paragraph I used the expression “I thank life” instead of saying “I thank god”. That is because I am an atheist or more exactly as Richard Dawkins [9, 10] explains it, I am a strong agnostic, because it is impossible to be 100% atheist. That is because the human brain has religious structures [11, 12] that evolved by natural selection [13, 14]. As most Iberoamericans I was educated as a catholic. But during my undergraduate biology studies in the university I understood that science (especially evolutionary biology) and religion are not compatible, so I chose science. I studied in a public university (Univalle) and in this Colombian institutions most of the people are leftist. But after almost 20 years at Univalle I remained being of center right. So I will also publish in this blog political articles where I will attack socialism and leftist positions. But religiously the university did change me and I may publish articles making echoes to positions like that of Richard Dawkins who is, lightly speaking, an atheist and politically rightist, because at least in the “Selfish Gene” edition I read , he criticizes socialist scientists like Gould. The other thing noteworthy is that after Kierkegaard’s aesthetic and ethical phases, one enters the religious one. And I have felt that too. But I didn’t feel the necessity to change my whole operating system as to become a believer. The solution was simple and relies on another concept which is also explained by Dawkins. It’s pantheism which is called by this author like groomed atheism [9, 10]. The concept is simple: “pan” means “all” and “theo” means “god”. Pantheist persons believe that all nature is god and that there is nothing superior to that. In other words, and although I don’t call it god, for us pantheists there are no supernatural beings above nature. Nature is everything. And that according again with Dawkins, is the key difference between an atheist and a believer; the latter believes in supernatural entities. So, I’m a pantheist. But I have mixed my personal believes with concepts a quantum physics that the predict the existence of other dimensions  and in this blend I also show my gratitude to my ancestors who worked so hard so I can have the relaxed life I enjoy now. All this within a natural framework without believing in supernatural beings. But the explanation of my pantheistic beliefs can fill another article and I’m not sure if I can be bold enough to share them publicly.
Thank you very much for reading this article.
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